At this point, we only have a couple months to go until the BIG election. Unfortunately, the worst in us may have already come out and relationships may be strained. Direct encounters, as well as on social media, can be equally upsetting. Some encounters, like family, are hard to avoid. Courtesy and respect would seem to be common sense. We’ll take a look at some personal direct examples, how they were dealt with, and what one expert says.
Three Examples of (In-person) Rudeness & Solutions
The first bad encounter was with a neighbor who walks around and was a fan of Joe Biden. He was a Republican who switched camps when Donald Trump won in 2016. One day I was working in the yard, minding my own business, when he came by and dumped a load of anti-Trump dirt on me. He’s done this a few times while he KNEW I preferred Conservatives. It was annoying that he didn’t respect my choice. I never went into an anti-Biden response. Instead, I kept moving along with the gardening.
There were other incidents with this neighbor involving racist rants and telling me horrific dead-animal stories. I reminded him that if he didn’t like black people, he should consider moving. With the dead-animal stories, I tried humor telling him he wasn’t going to attract any chicks if he continued with such stories.
The second encounter was with a friend I hadn’t seen in years. I was fond of him and his family but the subject of politics never came up. We had a rare phone conversation we were barely into, when he went off on a 10-minute rant against Trump.
He said he knocked a man to the ground on a sidewalk who was wearing a MAGA hat. The thing is, this guy is a self-defense trainer. He went on to say he has a friend who physically attacked people if he knew they were pro-Trump. After his rant, he asked me how I felt about the state of the country. This was not the time to ask this. Needless to say, his invitation to come over for a July 4 festival was declined.
In this case, neither of us knew anything about our political preferences and it caught me off guard. It was quite tactless to come on so strong about such a dividing matter. Before dumping a load on someone, try asking open-ended questions, like, what someone thought of the convention (debate, latest news story, etc.), just to gauge their response.
Finally, a recent encounter involved a friend whose family members come over and go into pro-Trump tirades. My friend was a Trump supporter until the riot at the Capitol. He can’t disagree with said relatives or it will fuel the fire. So, he says nothing UNTIL he sees yours truly. I have told him this is disrespectful and I would appreciate the same courtesy he shows his family. It came to the point of temporary isolation when he wouldn’t comply.
Shifting Sides
In this example, there’s a different dynamic. There’s an important bond when folks share the same political ideals. People may watch debates together like a sports event. It’s nice being on the same team. But when one leaves and goes to the opposing team, it’s a loss and even a betrayal. My dad called this a turncoat. This is more serious than a football game.
Let’s imagine the two main political parties having a campground site during the primary season, separated by a bridge. On the right, there were more than 10 candidates with tents set up while the left campsite only had Biden/Harris. One by one, tents were coming down on the right until there was only one left standing. My favorite endorsed Trump and we only had a short walk to his tent.
Moving across the bridge to the opposing camp is certainly allowed. However, to turn around and bash the candidate who won the most votes is not helpful to those who stayed loyal to the camp. It’s like a knife in the back. This example has been the hardest to deal with. At this point, the Democrat party has moved so far to the left, the Republican party seems more in the center.
Other Coping Mechanisms
After moving along with the gardening and using humor with my neighbor didn’t work, avoidance was another option.
In every case, we need to first consider the source. If there’s a history of dumping loads, understanding this helps with acceptance. However, it’s one of the reasons I look out the windows before walking outside. Avoidance seems best here. Unfortunately, the dumper may not realize their ignorance or worse yet, they just don’t care how rude and selfish they are. It’s best that we find this out sooner than later.
Families could agree not to bring up politics or come up with rules. Conflict resolution expert, Majbritt Lyck-Bowen, from “The Conversation,” suggests turning family gatherings into “brave spaces,” where discussion of controversial issues is welcomed and respectful. She offers five tips –
- Don’t assume you are right
- Treat controversy – and each other – with respect
- Own your intentions
- Challenge and be challenged
- Do not insult or threaten each other
Personally, I don’t bring up politics in person unless I know someone is a kindred spirit. There are too many personal values involved. One comment leads to another and conversations often go awry leaving people with bad feelings. Respect matters either way. If you find yourself to be an outcast in your personal circle, perhaps seek support online. However, social media is another story.
Thia article comes at a perfect time. The media love to stir up provocative conversations about the political candidates. I was taught years ago by my father to avoid politics, religion, and finances outside of the home. There are plenty of things to talk about that might not cause bad feelings, as stated in this timely article.
The pictures were very good as well as humorous. Dump truck, animals. Very good.
The three examples were situations we may have encountered ourselves. People love to hear themselves talk. It must make them feel good. But it really depends on the subject. Do they really have the true facts about politics or are they just repeating what they heard on TV or radio from their favorite and trusted person? This is sadly the most common case.
The second example was extremely troubling. The person involved used violence if someone had an opposing preference. Ridiculous. Like we can’t think for ourselves without worrying about being injured by a trained fighter. Jeez. !
The campground example paints a nice picture of how things might develop. People can change their minds. So what? Is that not their right? If they go over the bridge, it is fine. That is up to them.
The idea of family get-togethers allowing brave spaces for controversial issues is up to them. It does not appeal to me so I would opt out. I don’t need that to be happy. Some do. Fine. But bad feelings are still possible.
Support groups that allow discussions online are not good for me either. If you trust the internet then maybe that will work for you. I might be lucky. I don’t really need to discuss politics to be happy. As listed in this article, I do talk politics to a trusted few but only after I am sure that feelings will be ok and relationships will not be broken. I try very hard to be careful about this.
Life is short and as we age, that fact gets much more obvious. We can only do so much with politics and voting is the best solution. After that it’s just gardening, cooking, movies, sports, the weather and the like. There are plenty of things to talk about but find out if the other person is receptive to the subject before flapping the gums. Just dumping, or arguing and fighting are no good.
Your dad was a wise man in advising against certain subjects to avoid. I think a family would have to be pretty strong or close to actually abide by the rules in a “brave space.” I wouldn’t want to do that either. It can be difficult to navigate relationships during a political season.
It’s definitely a problem when people watch one thing on TV and take it as law. However, I understand it because it’s time-consuming to research and hear an opposing side. Most people I don’t think will do that.
Glad you liked the pictures. The dump truck was obviously the recurring theme. Some people may actually be dumped in relationships because of their dumping.